Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
