There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
