All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
