walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
