he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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