Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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