When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
