Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
