Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(317): View more from Indiana

I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.

Fav 17 1111 3659
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"

Fav 19 11271 1629
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(561): View more from Florida

She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.

Fav 5 2620 1238
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(567): View more from Ohio

Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.

Fav 8 1098 899
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(787): View more from Puerto Rico

I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure

Fav 2 623 863
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(318): View more from Louisiana

A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"

Fav 5 2017 763
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(402): View more from Nebraska

I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up

Fav 0 27 9
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(901): View more from Tennessee

It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.

Fav 0 182 32
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