Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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