I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
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Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
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Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
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