and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
