like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
