Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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