well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
