I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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