Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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