Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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