my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Green mimosas i think yes
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
