i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
