Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
too bad you live with your parents still
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
