so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i out mim tonsoeep
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
