already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
