"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
