Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
