Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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