I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
