There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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