38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
