So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
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Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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