When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
