drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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