I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
