I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
