"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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