Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
