can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
im about as happy as oj after his trial
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
