Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize