So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
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So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
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Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You're a waste of cheezeits
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life