god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."