His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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