Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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