Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
