My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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