Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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