So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
