So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
