Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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