if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize