i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
