Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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