This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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