i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
