apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
