were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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