oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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