Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
