nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I could fuck to npr.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
