i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
