Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
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Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
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Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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